she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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