Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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