ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
