Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
