I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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