I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
