Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
