During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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