absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
