i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
