they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
