did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
