Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
