did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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