Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
