I didn't shave. On purpose
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
