xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
