Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize