If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
