Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
