If i come over, it means nothing
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
