Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
