I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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