Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there is puke in my bra ... again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
