I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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