Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize