I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
