I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize