I cannot find my penis.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
