So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize