I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
