He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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