OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
