So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
