last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
