im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
