I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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