i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
