Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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