he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
