You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
