Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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