Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
