VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
