Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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