the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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