and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
