we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
