Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
