nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
