I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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