K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize