Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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