How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
