Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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