You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize