and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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