you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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