Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
