did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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