I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
