I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
