I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
