So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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