Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think your dad took our porno
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
