just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
