that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize