Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
