All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
