Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
