I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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