it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
