Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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