The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
