Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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