Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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