Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
