I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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