the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
