I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The power of my boobs compel you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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