I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
