I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
