Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When are your genitals available?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
