you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
