Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
worst night to have a conscience
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
