matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
