you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
