...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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