I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
