she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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