the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize