Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
