hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
