I feel great
I just peed on a car
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
