All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
