he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
