You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize