Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
