Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
