A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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