I wanna passion pit in your ass
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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