Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
