The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
