3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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