The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
