I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
