i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
