I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
