I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
